I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You can't special order awesome
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
