Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
