someone owes me an orgasm
it's like iHOP with fire
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
