You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
