Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
