We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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