Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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