Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
