I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
