you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
