I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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