Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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