I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
