Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
