I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
