I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize