careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
