shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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