the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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