Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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