im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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