i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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