first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
