fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
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