yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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