We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
