My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
