Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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