They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
