Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
