We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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