I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
