i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
