it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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