Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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