Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
