Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
