nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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