I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
