Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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