Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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