I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
