This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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