theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
