I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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