you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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