Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
its liver damage thursday
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
