Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
