I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
