Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
