party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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