He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just want nice things and good sex
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
