carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
