the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
