you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
