I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
