Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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