u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
