She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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