When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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