i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
