it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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