just come out here and I will go home with you...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize