in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
