I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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