Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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