ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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