Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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