all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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