How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize