The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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