so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
