he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
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You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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