we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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