Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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