wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
